Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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