im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
