Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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