No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
