She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
