Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
