I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
