The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
