I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize