and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
