the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
