how can u be prego again
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Randomize
