Do you still have your period?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
