Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Fuck appropriateness.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
