ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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