"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
