i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Dick very happy bro
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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