so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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