I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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