I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
