Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
