i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
