she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I believe in your delicious
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
