thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
