I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
