I want to walk on stilts...naked
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
