my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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