ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
