Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
