Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
why do cheetos always look like penises
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
