Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
