dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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