If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
