i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
