haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Randomize
