hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize