When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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