shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
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