I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Panties = found
Randomize
