What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
