I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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