No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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