My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
