I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
