I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
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