I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i came on her dog
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
