you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
