I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
