I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize