i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
