I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Randomize
