A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Randomize