Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
