Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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