Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
