Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
