I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
