I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
