swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
