Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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