So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
