Heybabeimwearingurpanties
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
