Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
