Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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