I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
