PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
