I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
