Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
