I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
